.:There's a Possibility:.

It's 2013. I'm 19 years old. I can do this. 

I haven't written on this blog in quite some time... and that's alright because I'm writing now. 

I've been sitting, waiting, wishing, for something great to happen to me, but I've now come to the realization that great things don't come to you, you create the greatness in your life. 

This upcoming year is going to be a year of change... a lot of change. 

Sometimes we jump off the edge, and as we are falling we ask ourselves why we jumped? Well if we never risk the fall then we never find the ground. So many people think that to find success we have to fly, but I believe we find success in the fall and once we've been tattered, torn, and bruised we reach the solid ground of golden foundation. Opportunity, the possibility of success, is all around us. Sometimes, however, we have to get up high to gain that perspective and once we can see what awaits us, we have to take the leap to find the reward. 

I'm making big changes, changes for the better. Few know of the changes I'm planning to make this year, and that is alright, for when the timing is in place then will all be revealed. 

"Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning." 
-Gloria Steinem 

.:No Doesn't Mean Never...:.

I found a saying once, on a blog of one of my favorite actresses, Candice Accola. The quote was this, "No doesn't mean never, it just means not yet." 

This last Friday I participated in the Idaho State Drama competition in the category of Solo Serious. I made it further than I have before, and qualified up to the Semi-Finals. While this is a great achievement, I was somewhat saddened by my so called "success". I was disheartened, being the harsh self critic that I am, and was put into a bit of a hopeless mood. I felt like I failure, because I didn't meet my expectations, which would've been making it to the finals round. As a made the drive home, along side my mom, I began to spiral down caught in a frenzy of all my "failures"... 

As I continued to drive down the road that seemed to be never ending, the quote above came to my mind. This immediately improved my mood, and I realized, for the first time, the truth in this statement. And while I may never be able to compete again in this high school competition, I will have many other opportunities to pursue my talents. 

In this world it is necessary to taste failure before we can partake of true success. Though with that said, I've realized that we determine our own success and failure. At the end of the day I reflected on my talent and effort that I put into this competition and made the conscious decision to make this competition, in the never ending rows of my brains library, a success. While I may not have "won" I did perform to the best of my abilities, and no matter what anyone thought, in my own minds judgement I performed to the tee of all 10:1 perfects. 

"No doesn't mean never, it just means not yet."

.:Jen D. Ganzert:.

Jennifer, you are such a beautiful person. You definitely were the perfect candidate for the Sunshine award in choir, every time you walk into a room you are beaming with joy, and you can see the bliss radiating around you. You bring soo much happiness to everyone you meet. I can't believe I didn't get to know you until second trimester, but I am so grateful that I did. We have shared some pretty great memories together: Ice skating, rocking out in my car, roller skating/blading, Harry Potter, Paramore, wigs (at the mall, Panda Express, school), Gator Jacks, the hospital, letting you drive my car... oh how the list could go on! 

I've never seen such an optimistic spirit, you are such an inspiration to me.

Thank you for allowing me to be sorted into my proper Hogwarts category of Raven Claw, thank you for introducing me to some amazing new bands i.e. "We are the In Crowd", thank you for feeding me Brazilian food (mostly sweets), but most of all thank you for being one of the best friends a person could ask for. 

This isn't Good-bye, it's see you later! :D

2014 I will be in Brazil.

Whoo! The Worldcup... but mostly I want to go to visit you! 

Stay just the way you are and continue to follow your bliss. 

<3  

Mad Hatter: "Have I gone mad?"

Alice Kingsley: "I'm afraid so. But let me tell you a secret, all the best people are."

.:This Is Actually Happening:.

Let me start by saying I have never been so excited for anything in my life! I am nearly a month away from visiting one of my best friends in the whole wide world!!! I've known for over five months that I would be traveling with her but the reality hadn't set in... until now. I cannot even find the words to describe how excited I am. My one desire in life is to travel. Last year I got to spend the summer in California and I was soo grateful for that. This year I get to travel to Thailand and China and I am beyond grateful! Slightly scared... but definitely grateful. Just this last week I re-read one of my most loved books ever, "The Noticer" and it reminded me that we all have at least one thing to be grateful for and in the book it says, "What you focus upon increases". This is so true. Therefore the more we focus on what we are grateful for the more things to be grateful for will come into our lives. For example, I used to dwell and pity on how my family isn't rich and therefore I believed that I would never get the opportunity to travel. Then I read this book and began to wake up every morning and say all the things I was grateful for. Among those things was the fact that my family had a car, and with that car we could at least travel to some places (even if that didn't mean vacationing in Rome). As I began to believe in possibilities of things I began to have multiple opportunities come to me. For example: being invited to participate in the Miss Teen of America Pageant, spend the summer as a nanny in California, go to Wanderlust (a huge summer festival up in the mountains), and meet some amazing foreign exchange students (Taylor B. Jen G., and Judith T.) And along with having the opportunity to become great friends with these people was the opportunity to travel. And all this amazing stuff happened not too long after I decided to live with an "Attitude of Gratitude" 

So please excuse my jumbled thoughts, but I had to release my energy somewhere, and I haven't written in a while, therefore this seemed to be the perfect place to splatter my electric mind. 

.:May the 4th:.

May the 4th be with you...

What an eventful day... Yes it was "Star Wars Day" but it was also the day that Rigby High School (my high school) was evacuated due to a bomb threat. I also went to the Riot Zone (they were having a discount V.I.P. deal) and it's also the day that I was apparently Wendy (yeah, that red head from the fast food chain Wendy's).

Bomb Threat:

I have an outside perspective of the situation. So I was driving to the high school, on my way to fourth hour, (I don't have a third hour)... anyway as I parked and stepped out of my vehicle a police man with a heavy duty gun instructed me to remain in my car. I was confused to say the least... So as I sat in my car waiting in anticipation to find out what was going on, I saw a line of army men with guns run around the school, an ambulance and multiple cop cars pull into the parking lot, and within seconds after that kids started running out from their classrooms onto buses. I was now getting nervous. As more and more kids evacuated the building and more and more buses left the school I began to wonder if I should leave too. So I stepped out of my vehicle to ask the police man for further instruction and he said, "Mam, I advise that you leave right now and get a reasonable distance from the school." Yes, I know realized this wasn't just a drill. Being super curious as to what was going on I followed one of the buses, it led me to the Jr.High. As I sat there my mind began to wander to possibilities of the situation... Questions that crossed my mind: What if there are people being shot in the school? What if my brother has been hurt? What if my friends or any of my peers have been harmed? I was starting to feel sick. Luckily not too long after this wave of panicked questions fluttered through my mind my brother and friends texted me, letting me know that everyone was ok and that there had been no live violence at the school. In the end it was just a threat but still very concerning and serious. However; no one was harmed and no weapons were found at the school. After the bomb scare, I proceeded to carry on with my normal plans for the day and go to the Riot Zone with: Raquel, Erika, Jen, and Jessica.

Here is part of the story online:

http://www.idahostatejournal.com/news/local/article_65037a04-964a-11e1-8f0a-0019bb2963f4.html

Riot Zone. 

Regardless of the previous events of the day we all were able to have fun at the Riot Zone. While we were there we ended up forming a group with: Zach, Dillon, Josh, and Denum. <--(I'm not sure how to spell his name haha.)Some things that happened: Raquel and I interpretive dancing, getting competitive with annoying little kids on the bumper cars, splitting up over affectionate couples on the bumper boats, and getting caught in the rain and wind. Overall it was pretty fun but being human we had to leave and get food. So what better place than Wendy's!

Wendy's.

So apparently while I was up ordering an older man locked eyes with Zach (from outside) and proceeded to walk in and right up to Zach and say "I come to Wendy's all the time, like everyday, but I've never seen Wendy... until today!" and he then pointed at me! Haha. Once we got our food and sat down Josh and Zach told me what had happened. I also happened to get a free large Rootbeer, over hear a story about a little girl peeing in her car seat, and then when the old man was leaving he was like, "Hey, Wendy! The food and service tonight was great as always. You should come in more often, bye Wendy!" haha and in between those phrases I was just saying things like, "Hello. Thank You." and "Make sure to come again!" Then as we were running outside to get in our cars and go back to the Riot Zone Jessica ran and nearly jumped into a guys car (she thought his car was mine) but stopped after she had opened his door and saw it was a big older guy and there was beer in the backseat. It was so hilarious. 

From there we went back to the Riot Zone for about an hour and then everyone went home, except for Josh stayed at me and Zach's house for a while, but then he too went home.

Good Times ^_^

...

.:Undesirable:.

I'm not one to throw pity parties however, I am human... 

Therefore, I do need to vent every once in a while.

This might sound very cliche` but I feel as if I am always the odd one out, and not in a good unique way.

Even surrounded in a crowd of familiar faces, I feel detached.

I feel nearly invisible.

Yet I'm clearly solid and made of flesh. 

I feel close to isolated.

Yet I'm obviously not alone on this Earth.

I feel ugly.

Yet I have a belief that every one has beauty.

I sometimes dread waking up, because I know that when I do it will lead to another day of emptiness. 

Don't get me wrong, I am happy and I appreciate life, I just always feel like there is something missing...

Regardless of what others say, I feel like no one understands.

I feel like I am a throw away kid sometimes...

I feel like the sooner I leave this place the better.

I feel like a locked door whose key lies on the inside.

I don't want to be recycled, but I feel as though it would be easy for others to throw me in the bin...

I feel like I need to escape. 

I feel that though this may not be the place for me, there is a place for me... and maybe these people can't fully understand me, but somewhere there is someone who does... 

My soul needs to travel and explore.

I am an outsider.

But with all that said it seems to be that...

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."

-Coco Chanel

And no one person is just like another.

...

.:Facebook Cleanse:.

I am going on a Facebook cleanse. 

I will see how long I can go without getting on Facebook; however, my goal is to not sign on until the last day of school...

Social Networking sites definitely have their benefits, but likewise they also have their faults. They can be draining, addicting, and mind numbing. 

And to be quite frank, my mind needs a break.

I'm going into a non-social networking coma. 

(Besides my blog, but I don't really consider this a social networking site.)

This sun is setting but it will rise again.

So Goodnight my fellow facebookers/twitterers/and whatever else...